T4 Written Language

WALT write a character description of a person we know very well. We know we have achieved this when we …          -    have written about the person’s physical appearance (the way they look).          -    have written about the person’s behaviour (how they speak or act).          -    have written about how they affect other people (what do they do to make you notice       them).          -    have written about the person’s environment and belongings.          -    used descriptive words to make a picture in the mind of the reader

My Dad by Josh Sanders

                       

My dad has a dark brown beard and brown hair like a tree trunk. He has a silver and black ring and a golden chain necklace. He is 41 years old. He has hair bits on his arms and legs and he has dark brown eyes. He is very tall, taller than his car. He has dark brown skin. His behaviour is like an amazing parent. He lets me go on his drums to play with too. He gives me so much help to practise my cricket and he is funny. His environment is tidy, no marks allowed and no kicking balls over the fence. His belongings are his car, his trophies, medals, hats and the house and furniture.

Feedback:

You have used some good descriptive words and really told me about your Dad. You have also tried to use some similes- e.g. brown hair like a tree trunk.

Next steps:

1.    You now need to work on starting sentences in different ways. And begin to use paragraphs to break your story into sections

2.   Give a little more detail for some of your things e.g. What sort of car does he have? What were the trophies and the medals for and what did they look like?